Again I love every phrase you have written. Your skill is unerring.
I’m going to give you feedback on the story and writing, but only if you’re interested, so let me know if you’re not so much and I’ll stop.
Even though you “show” a lot, I want to encourage you to “show” more instead of “tell” when the opportunity presents itself, because with the direct way you write it’s so much more compelling. I’ll give a few examples:
-”nauseating” and “foul” stench - wants a descriptor that the reader would heartily conclude is nauseating
- setting the inquest scene with verisimilitude - physically describe these men a bit perhaps, in order of when and how Margo actually sees them as she enters the room, before telling us their identities. Especially if we’re going to meet any of them again later
- what does the unfamiliar dialect sound like to Margo. what does the familiar dialect sound like in comparison
- do any of the men at the inquest show any kind of personality? Would benefit from a bit of added dimension
- in order to be memorable, a character needs to have a characteristic beyond a name. Lady Christina seems significant. So does Mistress Pikey, Mary Cartwright, the husband. What do they look like? What is it about them that is noticeable or remarkable?
This took a turn I wasn’t expecting at all! I love the amount of work done to understand the period and setting, all from a terrible prompt as well. Magnificent!
Thank you, Hazel-rah. I will take a pop at those ideas when I get home from work. Crit is always welcome. You may have noticed that I already took your advice so I will take more of it. 😀
It was challenging--the best ones! My turn. You've buried Granny's mobile phone, fully charged, with her. One night, you ring it, if only to get her voicemail, but there's an answer.
Again I love every phrase you have written. Your skill is unerring.
I’m going to give you feedback on the story and writing, but only if you’re interested, so let me know if you’re not so much and I’ll stop.
Even though you “show” a lot, I want to encourage you to “show” more instead of “tell” when the opportunity presents itself, because with the direct way you write it’s so much more compelling. I’ll give a few examples:
-”nauseating” and “foul” stench - wants a descriptor that the reader would heartily conclude is nauseating
- setting the inquest scene with verisimilitude - physically describe these men a bit perhaps, in order of when and how Margo actually sees them as she enters the room, before telling us their identities. Especially if we’re going to meet any of them again later
- what does the unfamiliar dialect sound like to Margo. what does the familiar dialect sound like in comparison
- do any of the men at the inquest show any kind of personality? Would benefit from a bit of added dimension
- in order to be memorable, a character needs to have a characteristic beyond a name. Lady Christina seems significant. So does Mistress Pikey, Mary Cartwright, the husband. What do they look like? What is it about them that is noticeable or remarkable?
This took a turn I wasn’t expecting at all! I love the amount of work done to understand the period and setting, all from a terrible prompt as well. Magnificent!
Thank you, Hazel-rah. I will take a pop at those ideas when I get home from work. Crit is always welcome. You may have noticed that I already took your advice so I will take more of it. 😀
It was challenging--the best ones! My turn. You've buried Granny's mobile phone, fully charged, with her. One night, you ring it, if only to get her voicemail, but there's an answer.
Off you go, Theo!